World's First Motorcycle VLogger

It’s 3:30am and I just woke up.

I was having a dream.

I’m riding my Ninja in a bad part of England. A car almost hits me (not too close) and I honk at them. I then notice that the car is filled with rough looking British guys. I don’t care, I’m on my ninja and they’re in a cheap chav car. So I stop and give them a dirty look but they don’t seem to notice as they continue to drive away. I then realize it was a dumb thing to do as they park just further on down the street and I will be parking my Ninja close and going into a nearby building to sleeep. Not my home, but some kind of arcade or something. And I plan on sleeping on the floor. I start to set up on the floor and then realize that I’m too close to the door and I’m in my underwear and what happens if a customer comes in? So I decide to go to a different place that I’m surprised that I forgot about.

I walk past a park heading to the other place to sleep. The park has many people in it. And almost all of them have an animal with them. Giant white animals. I notice a motionless giant white wolf particularly. The car with the chavs drives by…they look at me and I get worried, but don’t seem to recognize me.

Not sure what happens after that. Then I was at a friends house. An exgirlfriend’s house. Her name is Launi she lives in Winnipeg Canada. We are close friends now. But in the dream she lived in England. The dream was actually very weird up to this point. But became much more normal once I saw her. I was in front of her home. A side by side English style. And her parents were just getting out of a small car. And she was there. And her “boyfriend”  a black guy (although in real life she’s married to a white guy). But in the dream I was good friends with this unknown black guy. Anyway….I said hello to her and her family. Everyone was happy to see me and that was good because before this point the dream was somewhat tense.

I go into Launi’s house and it’s small. There are stairs leading on the left. Instead of going up the stairs I walk forward and jump up and grab onto the 2nd floor ledge and do a chin-up playfully. While hanging from the ledge someone puts their hand on my neck firmly. At first I think it’s Launi’s parents because they don’t like me climbing about their home. But then I realize the person is beside me…and I’m hanging off the ground. Their hand is still on my neck.

I start to realize the Launi scenario is a dream. I start to wake myself up. I “wake up” lying on the floor in a shop. There is a man next to me on my left. A girl on my right looking down at me. And some other people moving about (at this point I am awake and in my bedroom….but can’t move….am stuck in sleep paralysis). I think that I’ve fallen asleep in the shop and those guys have come in to mug me or worse. I realize I’m wearing only underwear and I need to do something to protect myself. I try to pretend like I’m grabbing at a weapon beside me……instead I only grab hold of my own….penis. Sigh. But luckily the tugging of my slong helps to wake me up more fully. And I start to realize I’m in my bedroom and not in a shop.

I wake up fully and start to look around the room. No more hand on my neck, no one in bed with me….thank god. But there is still the girl standing beside me. And I can see my wife and son in the corner of the room talking. My wife is kneeling down talking to my son and he’s listening intently. And then I see a rather large man on the other side of my window. I can see him through the curtains he’s crouching down. The girl on my right starts to fade. Then my son fades. Then my wife. The man out side my window is still there now. I left the room and came here to type this. I only slept for an hour and a half…….not sure if I’m going to go back to sleep.

  1. BoomerFTW Said,

    wow, that is some intense shit. Eat anything unusual before you went to bed? Have a fight with the wife right before sleep? You know what would cure you, minecraft. just sayin you wouldn’t have to worry about the whole “sleep” thing anymore.

  2. WiseGuy Said,

    It seems you’re too old to go to bed that late, M. 😉 kidding but have you used your spell-barriers lately? Must be time to praise the Ghosts with some young Blood again

  3. Lupozzo Said,

    i have to say, it made me laugh at the bit when you grabbed somthing (your penis) but then started to get freaky. so your actually saying that you saw a girl but then she faded? or was she part of the dream?

  4. ldydar Said,

    Don’t know what to tell you what that all meant. Maybe you need a fistfight to ease some tension. IDK.

  5. Sybren (LithCS) Said,

    Damn M, that’s one hell of a dream.
    Sounds to me like you have a lot of stress and anxiety going on in your life.
    Despite not being a psychiatrist, there’s pretty obvious signs…..

    Take it easy man

  6. Mr. Carmichael Said,

    M, this could be serious.
    Just saying, and i’m no psychiatrist, but if these dreams become frequent, then maybe you should go and see one.

    just to be on the safe side.

    Be carefull.

  7. holotape Said,

    I’m a psychiatrist, and my diagnosis is that you’re CUCKOO! 🙂
    Just kidding.
    But seriously, in your waking life have you ever started tugging on your junk to protect yourself? It could work…

  8. maniaka Said,

    wonder if the guy outside your window is some-kind of remake in your own mind of the man with the red lines. If you were partly awake you could have sub-consciously created something you were afraid of/had vivid memory of. I don’t know you but its still interesting to read about the abstractness (defiantly not a word …) that comes from peoples dreams.
    sweet dreams

  9. RHCPfan Said,

    That’s one creepy nightmare. My twin brother used to experience sleep paralysis. He’d often wake up thinking there’s someone by his bed staring at him, but he couldn’t move or scream for help…

  10. ozwerks Said,

    If your penis is as big as you say it is, the thing IS a weapon. I like the black and white theme. It somewhat represents your life lived on both hemispheres. That, and you are Bi-polar as hell. >_<

  11. Zervox11 Said,

    This sounds like a case of Sensory Phenomena during Hypnagogia (google it), I occasionally experience strange sounds moments before I fully wake up, when I first experienced it I got shit scared like I was going mentally insane but now I realise what it is and able to be calm while I wake up. I havn’t seen anything visual like peoples faces or had sleep paralysis I usually just hear crashing sounds or people arguing, I suppose it affects people in different ways.

  12. JJ72 Said,

    My girlfriend had sleep paralysis last week. She described it in one word as petrifying, like there was an immediate sense of danger or something.

    On the flip side i just worked two early morning shifts and went out on the piss both nights. Yesterday morning on my break in work, i slept for 20 mins and had the most amazing dream. Its literally changing my life. That’s how brilliant it was. Nothing amazing happened in it. Just me and an old friend. But the place we were in had this great feeling about it, like i was possible of anything. But ever since waking up that feeling is stuck with me and i’ve done so much in the last two days! The power of dreams eh?

  13. PinoyKyle Said,

    i used to have dreams like this all the time, i still do sometimes….

  14. inual Said,

    Well…I think I could try and explain it…but it would only be my veiw of the situation…glad you feel safe with the “ex girlfriend” and family…and her big black boyfriend…

  15. camdogie Said,

    That was kind of beautiful.

  16. Nick Said,

    Dude…. That means you’re gay. The women disappearing, but the dude is still hanging around, all while you’re holding your penis?

  17. Luke Said,

    I tend to dream about whatever I was last thinking about, so my question is what the f*ck is M thinking of at sleepy time. (unsure of why i felt the need to block out the u in fuck)
    Btw, offence taken to the chav reference.

    Have a good one 🙂 whatever that means…

  18. Les Said,

    That’s very disturbing. You mentioned before that you’ve tried Astral Projection? Have you ever fully achieved it? And if so, did you ever bring anything back with you?

    What scares me is the reference to the white animals, in most Middle-Eastern cultures to Asian cultures, white signifies death or the coming of death. The Nazca thought this is well, that white beings symbolized death. There were other cultures and civilizations (Egyptian and Hopi??) that saw death as either purity or death, or your spirit after death.

    In the Astral realm, according to some, they see white animals. These animals usually seem like they are very intelligent.

    As for the wolf, that’s not something you want to dream about. Native Americans saw the wolf as an intelligent being, and that the wolf appearing in your dream signifies the coming of certain events… which aren’t always positive.

    A member of the Cherokee told a story that he would dream of a wolf without color that would warn him of eminent domain (at least, that’s the translation of it).

    I got all this info from a friend who works with crazy people (people who wont leave their houses due to aliens… etc) and I can’t remember all he said… kind of just giving you the more interesting points here but anyways, please be careful. White isn’t a good color in Eastern cultures… remember this.

  19. Boonesbury Said,

    I agree with Nick. You’re Gay. Finally someone has said it!!! 🙂

  20. Juan Said,

    I am no expert at anything, but I too have freky dreams. After reading the second to last comment about the wolf, and the way I interpret it sounds to me like thats a glimps of you will pass away, or how people will find your body.

  21. you scare people Said,


  22. nomnomnom Said,

    you scare people

  23. Rob C Said,

    Hey mordeth,

    Thought I’d share an experience I had with a reoccurring nightmare I had as a kid. Long story short, this figure of a grim reaper (before I even knew what a grim reaper was) would end up slashing at me while I was trying to run from it. Anyway, I had this nightmare every day for just over 13 months. My father finally suggested that I try “kicking it in the f’ing nuts” (mind you, I was nine at the time). Needless to say, it worked so perhaps this could be some solution? Be a true ninja and start kicking some ass… or balls.

  24. Oliver Said,

    I had a freakish dream as a kid. When I was little, we were in our countryside cottage and I was sleeping with my grandpa. And I was dreaming that we were going up the stairs in a big mall and there was a old-looking guy in a grey-yellowish coat standing by the stairs. I was holding my grandpa’s hand as we were approaching the stairs and the guy just chopped off my right arm as we stepped up the first step.

    And occasionally when I’m very tired and go to bed early, I partly fall asleep and dream about falling down the stairs and after that I always wake up choking. It happens maybe once every two months, which is kinda odd IMHO.

  25. raizer1 Said,

    Moderth…..the dream is just trying to tell you that you need to get some snatch ASAP but you’re worried about the consequences of getting some since you’re married.

  26. James(dsm92eclipsegsx) Said,

    ARE YOU ON DOPE?!?!?!?!

  27. ScramUK Said,

    “….and those guys have come in to mug me or worse”

    ‘Or worse’ – lol.

    I’ve had sleep paralysis ALOT. Usually its OK. I rather like the warm fuzzyness of being paralysed. Sometimes hallucinations and sounds heard can be quite terrifying (especially inhuman screaming). Othertimes its just remnants of my dread hopping around the bedroom before they eventually fade.

    Been trying lucid dreaming/astral projection. Only achieved it once. Sometimes I almost get there lying in my bed and watching the floaters under my eyelids begin to form complex shapes, and I start to hear sounds such as talking,. But just as I start sinking in I become very aware of my breathing for some reason (gets rather deep), and the concious effort of my breathing makes it erratic. I try to slow it down or speed it up.
    The one time I did get lucidity was halfway through a dream when i simply realised i was in a dream.
    I looked around, and was astonished with the DETAIL of my environment (a scummy council flat estate, in sighthill for some reason). I began clapping my hands as a test of reality and it felt and sounded SO REAL. At which point i simply flew off into the sky and ended up on the rooftops of london, teleporting from one place to another.

    Strange – but entertaining. Been trying ever since to have more dreams like that.

  28. M3D Said,



    Last thing you know lauri or your wife is trying to put an idea in your head!

  29. Daryl Said,

    I think Les is one of the few people who have read it correctly and responded with anything plausible. The fact you seen your wife and son who then began to fade may suggest you were still in a state of creating visions from dreams or whatever. With half the shit I’ve had happen to me though I know where you are coming from and how irritating it can be when people dismiss you as “crazy” just because they haven’t experienced similar things or their ‘religon’ tells them otherwise.
    I’ve had similar things where I have woken unable to move and seen a family member who had passed standing at the end of my bed, same thing has happened with my sister.
    Oh crap better run the people with white jackets are chasing after me again ^^

  30. Kyle Said,

    haha, this would suck. If I had this dream, my own piss running down my leg would wake me out of sleep paralysis.

  31. Jim Said,

    That’s freaky, but, also kinda awesome. D:

    Need a holiday dude. =P

  32. Sana Said,

    This is off topic. Mardeth how come I’ve never seen your face?

  33. Wang Said,

    About your sleep paralysis — this might be related to a brain function that limits/inhibits physical activity while dreaming; the purpose of this brain function is to keep you from getting hurt. It’s possible that because you have such lucid (parallel to waking state) dreams, when you “wake up” that inhibition transfers over.

    I wouldn’t worry about some man outside your window. Most people die from cardiovascular disease (unless you live in a third world country, then it’s hunger).

  34. Jeff Said,

    Very familiar to my experiences. One time a few years ago I fell into sleep paralysis. I thought someone was grabbing the back of my neck too, I started to scream my sister’s name (her room next to mine, and she always does stuff like this) but no words came out. I didn’t win this time, I fell asleep in a scary way, losing vision and control of body.

    I have learned to figure out when it is present early and beat it. I am always moving some body part(even just wiggling my finger) so when that stops I immediately know. Once I recognize this, I kick one of my legs as hard as I can. What I have learned is not to “preserve” energy, just burn it all in one big kick or something, because you are losing strength by the second. That works for me…but next time I am going to try masturbating my way to reality haha.

  35. demoleus Said,

    That is a classic anxiety dream bro.
    *pours you a beer*
    You need a vacation

  36. Korriki Said,

    I had that same experience.
    Except, I couldn’t move at all and heard noise.

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